Loose Threads

I wrote a poem last night. All of my pent up emotions from the last year exploded onto paper. It happens every fall. Maybe it’s something about how I feel safe with the blanket of grey clouds over my house and I can’t ignore myself for a second longer. I take a deep breath, I reach inward and I begin to tie up all those loose ends of the year. To me, this is the beginning of fall.

I’ve been thinking about art and how it turns us inward. I’m not a therapist by any means, but I do make art. And when fall begins to turn me inward, I begin to nervously twiddle with the threads of my life. And when I begin to twiddle in this way,  tying and untying knots, I reach for art. I massage my fingers. I shuffle my feet. I make a cup of tea. I write a line or two. I paint a fragile stroke of grey. Tight knots and loose knots. I rub them between my fingers. The fragments of my life are a security blanket to me. But the cold still gets through.

I have to start somewhere. I have to take one thread at a time. I choose one, the longest one. I tripped on it just this morning because it has unraveled so far. I finger it from beginning to end. It’s too long to tie up, I need to cut this one. Just a slight trim. I pull out my scissors and begin to cut a paper snow flake. Snip! The thread falls to the floor and disappears, melting away like a real snowflake. My heart gives a sigh of relief. I needed to let go of that. Now for the next thread. But I’m exhausted. I’ll make some more tea, or perhaps some coffee with turmeric or pumpkin in honor of the new season. Then I’ll start again. I’ll tie up the next one, then the next. One thread at a time. However long it takes. Fall is on my side and art will hold my hand along the way.

So today, I'll get up. I'll write a story. I'll recite a poem. I'll paint a canvas. I'll draw a picture. I'll dance a dance. I'll play a song. I'll let the art take me where I need to go. I'll let it tie up those loose ends and save the feelings into words, transform the memories into colors, preserve every moment in time as I walk forward in life, looking back with an open heart at the pictures left over from every thread that has healed its way with art.

November 4, 2016 By Nakita Bickle